【波士顿双语网2024年9月21日讯】哈佛校报《The Crimson》网站最近公布了2024年度入选的杰出申请文书，并进行了深入评述。这些文书展示了申请者独特的个性、显著的才能和坚定的价值观，涵盖了个人经历、家庭背景、兴趣爱好及面对挑战的勇气。从不同角度出发，通过创造性和批判性思维，每篇文书以独特而深刻的方式展示了申请者的魅力和学术潜力。这些作品不仅吸引了招生官的目光，也为即将申请的同学们提供了灵感和理解哈佛招生标准的窗口。
下面是入选的申请文书以及招生老师的评价。
Michael’s Essay
I’ve been alone for three years now.
My freshman year, my mother had to take a job as a live-in caregiver to make enough money to pay rent and other bills after my uncle got married and moved out. I was ecstatic. I could finally have the entire house to myself. I had imagined the countless hours on the PS4, nobody telling me to go to sleep or to go do my homework. I felt free. Unexpectedly, though, this freedom came at the expense of my childhood.
To compensate for never being home, my mother called me three times a day. The first call would always be at 6:00 a.m, like clockwork. That was the call to wake me up so that I wouldn’t miss the bus and be late for school. Then there was the 4:00 p.m call where we went over anything and everything that happened in school that day. Lastly, there was the 7:00 p.m call which always seemed to last over an hour. This was the call that made me miss my mother the most. We labeled this call the “multi-purpose” call. Sometimes we would just talk about how we were both doing. Other times she would teach me things I needed to know, like how to do laundry, how to go grocery shopping, or how to cook. But one thing that she always seemed to bring up was how she wished things were different and how much she ached with the desire to be home with her son.
That last call always weighed heavily on my heart. When around friends and their families, I would often put my head down and smile because their interactions would remind me so much of when my mother was with me every day. It made me miss her insurmountably, to the point where I began to despise every aspect of this “independence.” To me, it was loneliness, isolation, and nights laying in bed wishing I had a loved one in the house that I could talk to or hug. I was forced to become a man instead of living out my days as a kid. What hurt me the most, though, was knowing that my mother hated our situation even more than I did. She hated knowing her only child was growing up without her and it hurt her more than words could explain. She would always say how I was her pride and joy, but I’ve always thought of myself to be her hope, her hope for a better life.
That is why I have worked so hard in school. My mother has dedicated and sacrificed years of her life to make sure that her son could live a great one, and all she has ever asked from me in return was to do well in school. There were numerous times when I felt discouraged and unmotivated, but the thought of letting down the woman that has broken her back for me was far stronger than any fatigue I may have felt.
For three long years now, I have entered my house after school expecting nothing but silence and darkness. I lay in bed at night yearning to hear any sound at all that would signal that there was life in the house beside me. Then I wake up the next morning, get ready for school, and start the cycle all over again. I have almost gotten used to being alone. But I won’t let my story end here. The reason why I have worked myself so hard is so that things can be different for me and my mother. She always says that everything she’s doing now is for me and that when she gets old it’ll be my turn. Except when my turn comes, she will never have to be alone.
评价：
Michael的申请文书以引人入胜的开端开始，让读者不禁想知道他为何独自一人。他揭示了母亲的牺牲以及他对新获得的自由的初步兴奋，但很快这种兴奋变成了失去童年的沉重负担。这篇文章巧妙地利用他们日常电话的例行来突显他与母亲的深厚联系以及分离带来的痛苦。与大学新生选择的独立不同，Michael的被迫独立凸显了他的坚韧和成熟。尽管情感上承受了巨大压力，他将决心转化为学术上的卓越表现，受到母亲的牺牲和渴望确保他们俩有更好未来的驱使。
这篇文书在展现在无法控制的艰难环境中的个人成长故事方面表现突出且引人深思。Michael的故事展示了他的成熟、坚韧和承诺，这些品质显示出他在严谨的学术环境中将会茁壮成长。他的动机和决心不仅表明他已经准备好进入大学，还显示出他有潜力在社会上产生积极的影响。这些特质正是哈佛大学期望在申请学生身上看到的标志。
Orlee’s Essay
I’m hiding behind the swing door of the dressing room when I text my mom just one word: “Traumatizing!” I’m on a bra-shopping expedition with my grandmother, and just in case it’s not abundantly clear, this trip was Not. My. Idea. Bra shopping has always been shrouded in mystery for me, and growing up in a household with two moms and two younger sisters hasn’t helped one bit: One of my moms doesn’t wear bras; the other proudly proclaims that her bras are older than me. A two-mom family without the faintest idea what a teenage girl needs—par for the course around here.
So when my 78-year-old grandmother volunteered to take me bra shopping, my moms jumped at the chance. Here I was with my frugal grandmother, outlet-shopping among the racks of intimates that aren’t sized quite right, that have too much padding or too little…You can see my predicament, and it’s no surprise that my younger self was confused by the words “wire-free,” “concealing petals,” “balconette.”
The saleswoman called to my grandmother from across the store, “What cup size is she?”
“I don’t know,” my grandmother screamed back. “Can you measure her?”
Measure me? They have got to be kidding.
“I just don’t want her to feel different,” I heard my grandmother say later that day. “Kids this age can be so mean.”
I love my grandmother, but she believes the world is harsh and unforgiving, and she thinks that the only path to happiness is fitting in. My grandmother had taken me bra shopping in a last-ditch attempt to make me “normal” because I was entering 9th grade at Deerfield in a few weeks, and she worried that I would stick out worse than the underwire of a bargain basement bra.
It’s true—I’m not your typical Deerfield student. I’m a day student with lesbian moms who have several fewer zeros on their bank account balance than typical Deerfield parents. I’m the kid with a congenital foot deformity, which means I literally can’t run, who will never be able to sprint across campus from classroom to classroom. I’m the kid with life-threatening food allergies to milk and tree nuts who can’t indulge in the pizza at swim team celebrations or the festive cake and ice cream during advisory meetings.
But fitting in was my grandmother’s worry, not mine. What my grandmother didn’t consider is that there’s no single way to fit in. I might be two minutes later to class than the sprinters, but I always arrive. I might have to explain to my friends what “having two moms” means, but I’ll never stop being thankful that Deerfield students are eager to lean in and understand. I may not be able to eat the food, but you can count on me to show up and celebrate.
While I can’t run, I can swim and play water polo, and I can walk the campus giving Admissions tours. My family might not look like everyone else’s, but I can embrace those differences and write articles for the school newspaper or give a talk at “School Meeting,” sharing my family and my journey. Some of my closest friendships at Deerfield have grown from a willingness on both sides to embrace difference.
On one of the first days of 9th grade, I sat down to write a “Deerfield Bucket List”—a list of experiences that I wanted to have during my four years in high school, including taking a Deerfield international trip and making the Varsity swim team. That list included thirteen items, and I’m eleven-thirteenths of the way there, not because I have the right bra, but because I’ve embraced the very thing that my grandmother was afraid of. Bra shopping is still shrouded in mystery for me, but I know that I am where I should be, I’m doing work that matters to me, and fitting in rarely crosses my mind.
Common App的申请文书允许你以自己的声音直接与招生官沟通，分享重要的个人特质和对自己核心的深刻洞察，展示你将如何丰富学院的社区。在选择话题时，要牢记到目前为止，招生官听到的关于你的信息都是来自别人而非你自己。现在，这是你展示真正个性、展示你将如何与即将到来的新生群体契合的机会。
在这篇文章中，我们遇到了Orlee，她正在和关爱备至的祖母一起购买胸罩。Orlee毫不犹豫地让我们突然进入一个尴尬、“令人心碎”的时刻，这是她勇敢选择分享的。仅仅在几秒钟内，我们还了解到她有两位自称“时尚不敏感”的妈妈。这还只是第一段，但我已经开始喜欢她了。考虑到每篇文书只有几分钟的平均阅读时间，招生官希望知道这篇文章将会如何发展。
文章早期，我们了解到Orlee的祖母对世界的看法是“严酷且无情”的，她对Orlee保护有加，并建议帮助Orlee融入社交圈，以便被视为“正常”。起初，我们以为这篇文章是关于青少年的焦虑，但在一个意想不到的转折中，Orlee迅速告诉我们，她祖母对她融入社交圈的担忧既不是不合理的，也不是没有根据的。
Orlee透露她有一种先天性的足部畸形限制了她跑步的能力，以及严重的、可能危及生命的食物过敏。现在她吸引了我们的注意力，她巧妙地编织进她日常生活的更多片段，展示了她在困难时刻选择勇敢面对的能力。她直接而乐观地描述自己的生活，不是为了感情上的操控，而是展示她的积极态度。我们了解到她的坚持不懈，她总是乐于接受挑战。她展示了如何为自己创造空间，以便被纳入，她理直气壮地没有请求许可或因她的身体挑战而道歉。
Orlee意识到他人可能会因为她明显的身体挑战而迅速将她归类，她立即让我们关注她可以在校园上贡献的许多优点，提供了几个清晰的例子，展示了她如何积极参与并超越他人的负面看法。她设定了激励人心的生活目标，她高中时期的愿望清单几乎已经完成。这位学生不害怕去追求并实现她的目标。她只是在过着她最好的生活，我为她加油！
这篇文章成功的原因在于它告诉了我们Orlee是谁，她如何茁壮成长，她珍视朋友和队友，将把同样的能量带入她的大学社区。她聪明、好奇、自信且善良。她设定目标并制定愿景以支持她的世界观。“适应别人很少会跨越她的脑海。”这就是她的品牌故事，我完全支持！